The Birth of Our Son

As many of you have probably heard by now, a lot has been happening the last couple days. On Sunday morning, Hailey was having some pain and trouble sleeping. We also had trouble locating Elam's heartbeat - we could hear it, but not really well. We realized she was having regular contractions about five minutes apart, and called her doctor. We were directed to head to the hospital to get checked out.

At the hospital, Hailey got connected to a fetal heart rate monitor, as well as a contraction monitor. They put her on IV fluids to attempt to stop the contractions in case she was simply dehydrated. As it was the weekend, Hailey's regular doctor was not available, so we met with the doctor on call for that weekend. She told us that Elam would likely be born in the next 24 hours, and presented us with our options for delivery.

Elam was still frank breech. She told us that with his size and breech presentation, he would likely get his head stuck in the cervix during a vaginal delivery. This would be fairly traumatic, and his chances for surviving it were very low. We could also choose to have a C-section. Because of Elam's small size, again, the C-section would be a classical (vertical) incision. This would mean that all future pregnancies would have to be delivered by C-section. Also, the small size of the uterus made severe uterine bleeding a serious risk as well. In addition, there were still no guarantees that Elam would survive a C-section.

We made the very hard decision to have a vaginal delivery. While it was a very difficult decision, we knew that it was the best decision for our family. We were moved into a regular labor, delivery, and recovery room. Hailey got an epidural and tried to get some rest. This was probably around 3-4pm. For the next 12 hours, we were surrounded by family and friends as Hailey's labor progressed.

At around 2am on Tuesday, March 2nd, Hailey quickly progressed from 6cm to 9cm, and Elam arrived at 2:21am. He was only 1lb, 14oz and 13 1/4 inches long. As expected, his head got caught in the cervix, and he passed away during delivery. Not only was it my first time to witness a birth, but a very difficult and emotional one that I'll never forget. Hailey needed an episiotomy in order for Elam to come out, so I stayed with her while they stitched her up. They brought Elam back a couple minutes later, and I got to hold him, rock him and talk to him for the first time while they continued with Hailey's stitches. When Hailey was stitched up, I handed Elam to her, and the doctors left us to spend some time with our new little one.

We were so surprised at how normal he looked! Despite his defects, he looked every bit like a normal baby, although tiny. We spent some time looking at him, talking to him, and crying together before we let our family and friends in to see him.

The next day in the hospital was difficult. We were totally exhausted, and Hailey was learning her routine for managing her pain and healing. We had so many visitors and friends come by to express their sympathy and to be with us, we knew very well that we were loved. As Hailey's pain was well managed, they offered to let us go home. We decided to see Elam one last time before we left. We held him, kissed him, and said goodbye for the last time.

The hospital has an arrangement with a local funeral home where Elam will be buried. We are glad to have some place that we can visit and know that he is there. We have not yet decided about having a memorial service or not. We've experienced a tremendous emotional roller coaster the last few months, and especially the last few days. It has been difficult, yet joyful at the same time. We were so excited to finally meet our son, yet so sad that he had to go. Knowing where he is now is a tremendous source of peace for us. In the presence of Jesus, where there is no pain, no tears, and no sadness - what better place for such a beautiful, precious child! We know that the Lord has truly answered our prayers. He kept him safe for so long, and allowed us to see and hold our son.

We know that the next months will be difficult as well, but we know the Lord is still good. We still trust Him and know He has a plan for us and for Elam so much larger than what we can see or know. We are determined to never forget our son, to never stop honoring his memory. Thank you all so much for following us on this journey. Thank you so much for your prayers, your letters and your gifts! Without your love, support and friendship, the road we are on would be so much more difficult. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers.

Mommy and Elam

Daddy and Elam